You are the love of my life

And you are the reason I'm alive

And baby, baby, baby

When I think of how you saved me

I go crazy

I've never known love like this

And it fills me with a new tenderness

And I know, I know, I know

You're in my heart, you're in my soul

You're all I can't resist

And I need to tell you

The first time I held you

I knew you are the love of my life

I spent a lifetime waiting

Always hesitating until you

I was lost so deep inside my shell

'Til you came and saved me from myself

Now all I really know

Is I need you

And you are the love of my life

All the joy and tears that I cry

And baby, baby, baby

You don't have to say a word

I see it in your eyes

As we stand together

I promise forever

'Til the day that I die

You are the love of my life

I spent a lifetime waiting

Always hesitating until you

I was lost so deep inside my shell

'Til you came and saved me from myself

Now all I really know

Is I need you

And you are the love of my life

All the joy and tears that I cry

And baby, baby, baby

You don't have to say a word

I see it in your eyes

You are the love of my life

You are the reason I'm alive

You're gonna get what's comin' to you, for all the bad, bad things you do to your lady, treat her like a lady, you'll make a good girl crazy if you don't treat her like a lady...

Okay, first...I totally stole that icon off of Ashlyn's MySpace. Secondly...I have a lot to say. (Though that really isn't different from any other time, now is it?!)

Sparing all the excruciating details, I'll just cut to the chase and tell everyone that on Wednesday afternoon, I got into a car accident. Seriously, I know I probably seem like a horrible driver, but like the Facebook group says, "What do you mean I'm a bad driver? Don't you see all the cars I'm passing?" But really...this time it wasn't my fault. Since I got my speeding ticket and got on Probation, I have been driving painfully carefully. Counting three seconds at a stop sign and before I change lanes, driving within the speed limit (and abilities of my poor, poor car), and frequently checking my fluids. Never have I ever been such a vigilant driver. Proving again, that no good deed goes unpunished, when I went to stop on Wednesday behind a line of traffic on bustling Baxter Street, my brakes ........... DIDN'T WORK. Needless to say, I eventually stopped, but only after I hit an enormous black SUV. Since I wasn't traveling that fast, the damage probably wouldn't have been that bad...and note I said probably because, of course, the SUV I hit was fully equipped with a trailer hitch, also known as "Sudden Front Bumper Death".  Skip all the wailing and hysterics, and cut to the stunning police work of the racially diverse Athens cop team (whom I now fondly refer to as "The Wonder Boys") that worked my accident, and 45 minutes (I guess police paperwork is getting longer, or my cops had Adult ADD), two tow trucks, and an "Operating an Unsafe Vehicle" Citation later.... I was safely off Baxter Street. No damage was done to the SUV, but my car was in fairly bad shape. Daddy's coming to get it this weekend and take it back home to see if it can't be fixed.

In addition to the drama...I was stunned by the unfailing way in which two special guys I know never manage to let me down. Completely and totally crushed and crying, I call the closest (in distance) person I can think of to see if he can come rescue me out of this, now rainy, mess, since my best friend is babysitting and can't come. A mere two minutes WALKING DISTANCE from the scene of my accident, he blows me off saying he has to go to work. I'm not going to specifically name his place of employment, but let's just say it isn't a very formal job that would lead to a career of any sort (other than maybe housekeeping at a hotel or something of that nature). When I called him later, we had it out, and he told me to "shut-up" amongst other rude and disrespectful things. We've been friends for two years, and he's really changed...for the worst. I gotta say, I don't really care anymore. I tried to be nice about it when I got off the phone, attempting to tell him that "I'm sorry it has to be this way," and "Take care," but he didn't seem to get what I was trying to do. I don't think it will bother him in the long run, because I'm not really someone he cares about anymore. He has other things he likes to do, and whether I approve of them or not, is of no consequence. I still care about him as a friend, but face it, life sometimes goes this way. If he doesn't care about me anymore, and has other things he wants to do, or people he wants to be with, that is completely fine. But there's no point in pretending we're friends anymore when we're not. Friends call each other, friends help each other, friends know each other, and if you're reading this Bryan, you and I both know that you don't even know who I am, you left me a long time ago. Like I told you that night, you only call me when you want something from me. I know you have the life you want and I'm happy that you're happy, but let's don't make a big deal out of this. It's impossible to be friends with someone you don't even know anymore. It was fun for a while, we had fun. But those times have been over for a long time now. But you don't even know who I am, so what do you care if I go? Good luck, miss you, and wish you the best.

As for the other person, James, I'm surprised, but not surprised. I called to tell him what happened, the first time we've spoken in nearly two months. We talked for about ten minutes before he clicked over to the other line telling me to "hold on just a second." After five minutes, I hung up, thinking he'd call back when he could. One of the last times we talked, he'd said that he couldn't be with me like I wanted to be with him but that, if I wanted, we could be friends and he promised he would always be there for me to talk to when I needed him, and that he'd never let me down. I think a little part of me died Wednesday night, when I fell asleep knowing that he wasn't going to call me back. So much for promises. It seems like just yesterday when we were out by the river after my first kiss, our first kiss, and we felt so...amazing. It seems like a million years ago that he said that he'd been biting his tongue, but he just had to tell me that he loved me. It seems like I just gave him something I can't get back only just at Christmastime. I know you don't love me anymore, I know you don't care anymore like I do, I know that you probably barely remember my face, and that you haven't woken up missing me. It hurts, I can't lie. I'd always hoped you'd be there for the moments in my life when I was scared, or happy days like when I graduate, so that you could comfort me or smile at me so I could know you were proud of me. I'm trying to be as graceful as I can about this, no more messy tears or goodbyes, just Thank You.

To you both, I'm glad I told you, all I meant to, while I had the chance, 'cause every moment, I had with you, made me who I am...